There are a lot of guys out there who literally don’t know how to get a woman’s attention.
They go out to bars and clubs, or to coffee shops and bookstores … and they see attractive women … women they want to meet … but they have no idea how to get their attention.
Most of these guys end up sort of lurking around, eyes pinned to the ‘target’, waiting for her to detach from the crowd so that he can sneak up on her when she’s unaware and ‘make his move’.
This is a mistake. It will waste your time and MINIMIZE your success. It will also creep her out.
If you are waiting for the woman to make an action of any sort before initiating a conversation with her, you are putting the ball in her court. You’re following her lead, which instantly puts you at a disadvantage, PREVENTS you from gaining control of the situation, and creates a mindset wherein SHE is the leader and YOU are the follower.
The reason that this is a problem has a lot to do with one of the ‘root causes’ of attraction, which is MASCULINITY.
The critical aspect of any guy that will potently attract women is his masculinity. Women like men who are being MEN.
This sounds pretty obvious, until you think about what that actually MEANS … and realize that most of the guys you know most likely do NOT know how to ‘be a man’ around women in a way that makes sense to them.
This is what I’m talking about:
A major aspect of masculinity is the ability to lead in a situation with a woman.
I think of the ‘ability to lead’ as simply having a strong character. If you have a strong character, you look within yourself for things like ‘approval’ and ‘validation’ … rather than looking externally (to her and to other people) for those things.
Basically, it means that you act what you feel. If you think something is funny, you laugh. If you’re pissed off, you act angry. If you think she’s attractive, you create attraction with her.
What it does NOT mean is that you hang around waiting for signals from HER, before you’re comfortable flirting with her, teasing her, and otherwise going about creating that thing called ATTRACTION.
In plain English, it means that you take action when you deem it necessary, without waiting for anyone else to ‘make it OK’ for you to do so.
These are the basic qualities of ‘being a man’ that women find intensely attractive. And if, like many guys, you’ve gotten into the habit of being too nice and spineless and too polite around women, you’ll probably need to make a CONSCIOUS EFFORT to get into the habit of thinking and acting like a MAN.
Here is my definition of a man:
A guy with a strong personality, a strong character, who demonstrates consistent congruency between thought and deed … and who TAKES ACTION when necessary.
Here’s what all this has to do with whether you wait for her to leave the group or not.
If you wait around for HER to take action before you’re able to take YOUR action, you are already ‘unmanning’ yourself.
To get into the habit of ‘being a man’ around women, you need to make sure that ALL your behaviors are congruent with that fact. It needs to be a basic component of your personality.
So if you wait for her to ‘make the first move’, or for her to ‘make it OK’ for you to walk on over and introduce yourself, you’re introducing a weird and ‘unmanly’ dynamic.
So … what if she doesn’t know you’ve been waiting for her to leave the group?
Actually – she probably does.
C’MON now … don’t underestimate how observant women are. They are used to being hit on by guys. If a woman’s hanging out with a group, and you come up to her as soon as she’s by herself, she knows that you’ve been waiting for her to single herself out.
This is especially true if she’s an attractive woman, and therefore used to having men hovering around, making nervous eye contact, and plain old lurking.
And let’s talk turkey here. Even if, by some freak chance, she doesn’t know, you still do. And if YOU know, deep down, that you were too freaked out to act on YOUR timetable, that’s not going to do anything good for your sense of self-esteem or strength.
Being able to interrupt a woman is just one more way of LEADING. It’s one more way of being a man, and showing her that you’re a man.
If you’re worried about interrupting a woman, here is what I suggest: that you adopt the mindset that you’re going to make her life better by becoming a part of it.
A lot of men are nervous approaching a woman because they feel, on some level, as though they’re trying to ‘get’ something from her – a phone number, a date, etc.
They end up feeling like shifty salesmen who are trying to ‘con’ the unsuspecting customer.
DROP THIS MINDSET. She is not doing you a favor; you are actually doing her a favor. You are going to improve her life. You are not trying to ‘get’ anything out of her; in fact, you have a MORAL OBLIGATION to give her the opportunity to have her life improved.
This is called ‘having a buyer’s mentality’.
You are the one who is deciding if you want what she has to offer.
Contrast this squarely with having a ‘seller’s mentality’, which is where you are the one with something to ‘offload’ and you are the one trying to convince people to ‘buy your product’.
The shift in mentality is pronounced.
FACT: It is entirely possible that you are going to enrich her life more than any other man in her life history. A date and/or a relationship with you could literally be the best thing that ever happened to her.
Dr Alex Benzer, author of The Tao of Dating, calls this ‘PPI’, or Powerful Positive Intent.
You can call it whatever you want, but it definitely puts you at a tremendous moral advantage to think of yourself as ‘out to make her life better’ in which case, you literally have a moral obligation to offer her that opportunity as opposed to ‘trying to get something out of her’.
Key points to remember:
• Don’t wait around for her to create an opportunity for you.
• Create one yourself by walking up to her and opening your mouth. (We’ll deal with what to say shortly.)
• By interrupting her, you’re choosing to act in a way that is congruent with your masculinity. This is the first step towards demonstrating to her that you are a guy who can be trusted; you are a guy who is comfortable with his masculinity; who is OK taking steps to get what he wants; and who is decisive.
• You are a buyer, not a seller. You have something to offer her that will very likely enrich her life and make her a great deal happier than she is right now. It is the decent thing to go up to her and see whether this possibility is actually a reality